Lately I've been thinking about lovely. Yes, lovely. Why is the word so seldom used these days and what does it really mean?

I think it is used so seldom these days because our society is enamored with the exterior and being lovely has very little, if anything to do with the exterior. It is an interior quality born of the heart. It has more to do with the glint in your eye than the color of it. More to do with intent of your heart than the careful calculations of your words. More to do with the way you carry yourself than the way you look. More about the maturing of your soul than the aging of your skin.

My mom turned 82 on Thursday and yet I think she's becoming more lovely with each passing day. Her face is wrinkled and her hair has just started turning gray. Her pace is slowed and her accent thickens almost daily, but nonetheless she has become a very lovely woman. She easily could have chosen otherwise.

When she was 13 years old she moved out of her parents' home to go to work as a maid. "That's just how it was in those days", is how she puts it. She was the youngest of 6 children and never had much in the way of material things. Life was hard in the Netherlands in the 30's and 40's so every healthy person worked to help feed the family. My mom never knew any different. To this day she doesn't think of that time in her life as a hardship, but as a blessing.

In 1951 she and my dad married. Shortly thereafter, they--along with my dad's parents, his 5 siblings and spouses (with the exception of his youngest sister, who was single)--moved to 'the promised land' of America. Think about that for a minute...she left her own family behind to start a new life in a new country with a new husband. Together they had a total of 12 American dollars to start their life here. My oldest brother was born in 1952 and by the time he was 3 years old he had 3 sisters and a brother! You read that right. My mom had a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and then? Twins! The fact that her hair is just now turning gray is a matter of amazement to me. And she wasn't done yet. By the time my oldest brother was 7 there were 7 of us!

Remember now, this was before the days of disposable diapers and formula and battery operated child swings. As you can imagine, my dad had to burn the candle at both ends to finance the endless sucking noise known as 'children eating'. My mom orchestrated the chaos at home alone for the most part. I have no idea how. That was just the formative years. Can you imagine this?...When I turned 13 she suddenly had 6 teenagers under her roof? Can you say, 'insanity'? And once again, my mom would say, "I didn't know any different" with the most genuinely understated smile you will ever see.

Tomorrow my brothers and sisters and assorted other family members will gather together to pay tribute to my mom. A woman who in my eyes has become the definition of...Lovely!

It isn't....but it IS...

It isn't rocket science
but there is chemistry involved

It isn't a game
but it's best when there are x's and o's

It isn't a potion
but it is intoxicating

It isn't a disease
but it makes you dizzy

It isn't explainable
but you will know it

It isn't a flavor
but it's delicious

It isn't a novel idea
but there's a book about it

So...what is it???

It is LOVE!!
The very essence of God Himself. It is the most inexplicable, unfathomable, undeniable, indescribable, truest thing there is...just like God Himself.
This life is a journey of finding, knowing, grasping, holding, and giving of this crazy little thing called love.
(I dare ya not to get that Queen song stuck in your head now!)

The Sun and the Ocean

At evening, when the sun dips down to kiss the ocean, she blushes red and he shines bright. They hold fast each other slipping into the darkness, giving way to the moon and it's soft light. Nightly they show us their daily devotion as slowly they meet and the two become one.

Scoop it!

Isn't it funny how the smallest things trigger memories?

Just now I went to get myself a bowl of ice cream and realized that my son had had a bowl last night and had used the scooper so it was in the dishwasher. I went to my utensil drawer to see what else I might use and voila! the memory was triggered....

When my kids were maybe 9, 5 and 3 their mom had an evening job so it was up to me to do dinner. And by 'do' I mean, put what my then-wife had prepared into the oven. When dinner had been eaten and we'd had a time of playing and schoolwork (at least for my daughter) one of the kids would invariably say "Dad, let's do ice cream!" Never did they say "Let's HAVE ice cream." No. Ice cream took some 'do'ing.

I would get out the bowls, choose the ice cream and turn to the utensil drawer and say "Hmmmm...now where can that ole ice cream scooper be?" I would then proceed to 'scoop' the ice cream with every conceivable thing I could find, except of course, the ice cream scoop. There was the tea ball thingy. The garlic press. The tongs. A corkscrew. A wire whisk. A spatula. The mixer attachment doohicky....all done to the tune of hilarious children laughs. Oh it was fun!

Thank God for memories that make me laugh!

Weird!

I just went to the grocery store down the street to get some stationery to write a letter to my daughter and the strangest thing happened.

First you must know that there is a growing population of Russian immigrants moving into our city and that near the grocery store is a church where, on Sunday nights they hold services that are given in their language.

So, as I'm looking up and down the aisles trying to find where they might hide things like stationery, I notice this one very prim and proper looking older woman perusing the magazine rack. She was wearing a nice dress with dark leggings and a dark, woolen winter coat. Very church-like attire. And as I pass her by she rips a big, loud fart! I am SO not kidding!! She didn't so much as flinch or move a muscle (at least not visibly). Is that just part of the culture?

It was the grossest, funniest thing I've experienced in a long, long time.
Thought I'd share it with you all. :)

What warm on the inside looks like...

...tonight.

A Father and His Boys

A few feet from where I sit there are two boys that bear my name. My blood is in their veins. And while at this moment they're both sleeping, my concern for them is heightened. They are my boys. God has loaned them to me for but a brief time and it is my privilege and responsibility to steer their lives for a few, numbered days. I don't know the number, but God does.

Outside the sky is dark, the wind is howling and it is cold; a stark contrast to the quiet, warmth that is our home. As males we love the violence of wind and welcome cold and dark as challenges to be reckoned with. We're rough and tumble, dirt and mud. We're loud and boisterous, wild and strong. We understand these things about each other, but will the world even try to understand?
I know it will be an uphill battle. I know the temptation to retreat when misunderstood. I know the urge to hide the pain; to go it alone--isolation seems the easier pain to endure. I know these things too well.

I also know my Father...He stands with open arms. I hope I can model that to my boys because...the sky is dark, the wind is howling and it is cold.

A Child in Your Heart

I read a couple of things this week that struck a chord inside of me and have lingered and bounced around near my heart and made me feel something that I'm not sure I can put into words. Maybe it will do the same for you.


I know what I really want for Christmas. I want my childhood back. Nobody is going to give me that...I know it doesn't make sense, but since when is Christmas about sense, anyway? It is about a child of long ago and far away, and it is about the child of now. In you and me. Waiting behind the door of our hearts for something wonderful to happen.

--Robert Fulghum



When I was a boy I believed in Christmas.
A miracle season
To make a new start.
But I don't need no miracle
Sweet baby Jesus.
Just help me find
Some kind of hope in my heart.

--Randy Stonehill (Christmas at Denny's)



While I do believe in--and love deeply--the Christ of Christmas more than I ever have, I sometimes long for the unselfconscious ways of childhood. The days before I was told to 'grow up and be a man'. Which all too often means--quit being amazed, stop all that wonder, turn off your feelings and just think about what your doing, after all, it's a big, serious world out there.

I want to be a wild boy again! Not knowing or caring about words like jaded or tainted or disbelief. Not caught in the trap of my own intellect, but free to run in the wide open spaces of my heart. A return to innocence. After all, didn't Jesus come to free us of our guilt and shame? And isn't that what keeps us from living from the deep impulses of our heart? Isn't that called 'innocence'? That's the hope I have today. The hope of a childlike--and yes, even childish--Christmas.

There's a frozen fog hanging heavy outside my window tonight. But I am nestled inside my warm little house as the fire crackles in the woodstove. The little white lights on the Christmas tree and three flickering candles are the only lights in the house. It's a scene of warmth that should be shared. I am quiet and restful and satisfied. Mostly.

I miss my kids on nights like this.

Well, it's that time again here in the good ole U S of A. The most ironic holiday that we still celebrate in our country. A day where we celebrate the bounty of God's goodness toward us.
A day to reflect on all of our blessings; To reflect and take stock of what the word blessed really means. A day to enjoy the presence of people we love and to just 'be'.

The day before the day the stores are filled to capacity with people spending money they don't have to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't care about to fill a void they don't think they have.
Ironic don'tcha think?

As for me, I will continue to be thankful that I am more than just flesh and blood and bones. I will be thankful for the ability to be thankful to a God that is real and that resides in my very soul. I will be thankful for you--my fellow planetmate--and the possibilities of hope and joy that were designed in you by God.

It's an easy choice to make... be thankful you have a choice.

Today was one of those days...

Today I got up early and had breakfast with one of my friends. We had a nice breakfast and talked about nothing in particular.
After that I got my hair cut by another one of my friends. I talked to him and his wife, who works with him. We've been good friends for a long time so the conversation was easy and good.
On the way home I called my son and talked to him about last night's football game. Texted my daughter just to say 'hi'.
When I got home a did some laundry, cleaned my bathroom, raked some leaves, and generally putzed around while waiting for the chimney sweep to show up so I could go to Costco to fill my stomach on free samples and buy a few goodies while I was at it.
Later I went to a little wedding at my church. Took in the festivities, ate some cake, drank some punch and came home.

All in all it wasn't an exciting day, but it was a full one.
So why am I writing this? I thought you might ask. It's because today was an average Saturday in my life. Okay, so the wedding was a little out of the ordinary, but still it made me realize that I truly am a man who has been blessed. I have friends to talk to. To engage with. They're healthy, wonderful people. My kids have healthy smiles positioned in their hearts. I have a comfortable place to call my own...(With a clean chimney!) to call home. While I do believe there is room in life for lamenting...after all there's a whole book in the Bible full of such groanings, I've decided that there are days where simply is no room for it at all. Today was one of those days.

Almost Heaven

These are my favorite people on the planet. My kids. Individually and collectively they own a big piece of my heart.

I was lucky enough to spend an entire weekend with all three of them this past weekend. The boys and I went to visit my daughter at school and I must say that I don't remember having such a fun filled, fulfilling weekend in a long, long time. It was wonderful just being in the presence of their smiles, their voices, their personalities and their complete and utter enjoyment of each other. I felt like the richest man alive in their midst. And to be their dad? I don't suppose I'll ever find words that begin to describe how that feels. I guess what I experienced-what we all experienced-was a glimpse of what heaven must be like.

I think I'm gonna like heaven.

There's a guy on my route named Lester. He lives down at the end of this gravel road.

I guess that would make this...The road Les traveled.

Poetry?

A woman on my route handed this to me today and said, "You just have to read this, it so reminds me of you!"

I thought I'd share it with you.....

"Why I Have a Crush On You, UPS Man"

you bring me all the things I order
are never in a bad mood
always have a jaunty wave as you drive away
look good in your brown shorts
we have an ideal uncomplicated relationship
you're like a cute boyfriend with great legs
who always brings the perfect present
(why, it's just what I've always wanted!)
and then is considerate enough to go away
oh, UPS Man, let's hop in your clean brown truck and elope!
ditch your job, I'll ditch mine
let's hit the road for Brownsville
and tempt each other
with all the luscious brown foods--
roast beef, dark chocolate,
brownies, Guinness, homemade pumpernickel, molasses cookies
I'll make you my mama's bourbon pecan pie
we'll give all the packages to kind looking strangers
live in a cozy wood cabin
with a brown dog or two
and a black and brown tabby
I'm serious, UPS Man. Let's do it.
Where do I sign?

See what I have to put up with??

Loose Change

Well, as you can tell I've changed back to my old template. For some reason I do feel it's a little bit more 'me'. OR maybe it's just that I'm not good with change. Oh sure I change my socks, my underwear, my furniture positions, sometimes I'll even paint a room, but really? No matter how much you change the accoutrements there are some things that never change. Things on the inside.

I found this out last weekend at my class reunion. I mean, I was aware of it before then, but it just reminded me of the fact again.

In high school I wasn't what you'd call a wall flower. No, I was more like a fly perched on the wall flower. Yeah. I was invisible. Partly because I was extremely shy and partly because of what I thought then was my Christianity. I thought I was supposed to be different so I acted different than everyone else. I didn't realize until later in my life that the difference should have come from a true love of those around me (that would have been an outstanding difference) rather than merely behaving in a way that made me odd. But I was odd. I know I was. High school can be an awfully painful and awkward experience even when you're 'normal', but not being interested in being normal caused me some deep pain. I thought loneliness was just a byproduct of my faith. Like a badge of honor from God. It was all a bunch of religious bullshit I tried to convince myself was true so I wouldn't hurt so bad. There was no love involved in it. And where there's no love there's no God because God IS Love.

I was reminded of this a week ago when my classmates of old collectively and unknowingly rubbed up against my loneliness scar. The one I'd painted over, changed, rearranged, but really? Never changed.

Yeah. I've changed my template back. This one just seems more 'me'.

What A Pane!

As a daily practice I take my camera along with me on my route. You know, to capture whatever captures my fancy on any given day.

Well, I've delivered to this house numerous times over the last couple of years since it was built and have always been amazed at how many windows it has. This is the front of the house, but the back AND the sides are equally showered with glass. I count 77 windows on this side alone! Actual panels of glass divided by vinyl. (Click on the picture for a closer look.)

I suppose to myself that the couple that lives here are either a) the owners of a glass store and they're padding their own pockets, or b) recently retired from Microsoft and this is merely a shrine to Windows. Which ever the case may be I'm thinking about retiring from my job to become their full time window washer.

The July Entry

Since I haven't blogged in a while, the least I could do was change my template to make it appear as though I check in now and then. Tell me what you think. Should I keep this template or trash it? (is that the equivalent to "do these jeans make my butt look too big?") And while you're at it why not give me some ideas on what to write about.

At Last!

The sun is shining warm today and the dogwood blooms have let themselves go to stake their claim to their own piece of wind. Together they dance and twirl and let me know a new moment of enjoyment. The grass is dressed in shimmering and brilliant green, still wearing spring's new shine. Cottonball clouds merging with each other in flight, making checkerboard patterns of shade and sun in the fields below. The birds can no longer hold their silence on a day like this. This day deserves new music! It's been a long time coming, but spring is finally here!!

Things I've Been Thinking...

I have been at sort of a lull here for some time in my writing, but that doesn't mean my mind has stopped (thank God), it just means that I can't seem to nail down a particular subject to write about. So I thought I'd just jot down a few things I've been thinking about writing about. They are all 'still in the oven'...Not quite fully baked as of yet, so....You may never get the full skinny, but here are some random samplings and, I must warn you, some of them are as ridiculous as the very fingers that have the chore of bringing them to bear.

-What is it that causes us to bring something that we believe in intellectually down that little chute connecting our heart with our brain? I mean, it's easy to believe in things factually without them affecting our life, but what about things like love, faith, drive, influence? Since our mind is responsible for things like thinking and deciding, it would follow naturally that letting something MATTER to us deeply is something that is merely decided upon by our brain. I'm really beginning to doubt that though...There may be a physical disconnect of heart and head, but you can't simply live exclusively from one or the other. This may be a 'duh' moment for some of you, but, whatever. I've been thinking about it.

-Here's a real deep one for ya...What's the difference between a crow and a raven? And, No! You can't Google it! And why is that some names of things seem to have been given on days when all the good scientists had the day off...For instance--an orange, a blackbird, a bug, a warthog!

-What if we all started acting as if today really was the last day of your life? I mean, don't you think we'd get used to that kind of intensity? Wouldn't it be nice not to have to hold back so much? To not worry or wonder or care if what your friends said was really true? People who say 'what you see is what you get' are lying. Nobody is one dimensional. I've never seen a person with words like--liar, slightly neurotic, impulsive, ignorant, calloused, deep or even genuine--written in everything they do and say.

-Wouldn't it be nice if the word 'border' had never been invented? Or 'mine', or 'yours' ? We all share the same rain and earth and sky and pain, but because mine is mine and yours is yours I want to keep it from you so the borders are intact. We all want a world without war and yet we will defend an OPINION to the death and to hell with the consequences as long as I'm right!

Hey, I told you I was going to tell you what I've been thinking about. I never said it was going to be syrupy and sappy...And since I brought it up, what's the difference between syrupy and sappy? Isn't syrup just sap?

The End.



-

Few things rival laughter
Save maybe joy

The kind I was after
When I was a boy

A run through the wood
Catching rain on my tongue

Writing down words
To songs yet unsung

I'd lie on my back
To ask and to wonder

All fears did I lack
With no mask to hide under

I laughed and I cried
I lived wild and free

But then something died
The child inside me

And tonight I will bask
In tears with no shame

As I take off the mask
With no one to blame

Take a look in the mirror
And find there true joy

Tho blurred by a tear
Of a full grown boy