Monday, July 27, 2009

The quiet breeze is making it's way through the room. After a long day of nearly unbearable heat it is more welcome than usual and yet it fails to help me sleep. I'm tired and uncomfortable. This living alone is wearisome. And I can't tell anyone because that makes it appear as if I'm complaining. I am not. I'm just stating a fact in the same way as saying it was hot today is stating a fact. The problem is, I feel myself turning more and more inward as the days go by due to this silence. And that's just the way it is. Inward isn't such a bad thing, it's just my second preference when weighed along side outward. There will be time in the future, I suppose, that I may switch my preferences.

As for now, I'll say nothing so that the breeze and I have something in common.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wishin' I Was Fishin'

I grabbed my fishing pole and went down to the river, there where it swirls under the bridge. And while I was there I started to wishin'. Wishin' it was somehow clear, why you're always there and I'm always here. Then I realized, wishin' is a lot like fishin'--it's just me, without you, and lots of water under the bridge.

Now if I could just come up with some verses, I'd have me a country song! :)

Sweet Dreams

I'm a guy who can sleep almost anywhere. I mean, I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Put a book in my hands and I can fall asleep sitting on a rock! I did it just this morning right here in front of my house. When I travel I can sleep at a stranger's or a friend's house without a problem. I think I can probably sleep standing up. Sleep has never been the problem.

Dreaming is a completely different story. I'm not talking average, run of the mill dreams here...I can do those. I'm talking big dreams. The kind of dreams people ask you about. You know, like when someone says, "What have you always dreamed of doing? Where have you always dreamed of going?" I never have an answer because I don't have those kinds of dreams. At least not until now. I have never allowed myself the luxury of drifting outside my self-made parameters. Oh certainly I can wish for things, but that's not the same as dreaming. Dreaming involves lofty heights and boundless possibilities and dreamy scenarios. Or so I once thought. Now I'm pretty sure I do have dreams, it's just that they are less lofty in nature. I dream about being steady and consistent; about being kind and sincere; about leading with integrity and being honest about my struggles; about loving God and wanting what He wants more than anything else.

Come to think of it...those are pretty lofty dreams!

Monday, July 13, 2009

i sometimes wonder if i imagine there to be more to life than there actually is. is happiness merely a passing fancy that never tires of being chased. and if so, when did it pass me? and where do i pick up the chase? or maybe it's something that lands in your lap when you're looking for something completely different; something without a name. i wish i could stop wondering.