Friday, December 09, 2005
Past. Presents.The Future.
Some days my thoughts are all over the map. Today was one of those days. I'm going to rattle off a few of my more coherent thoughts and events here for you...not because they're so interesting, but because that's what this blog is for.
-I love Christmas. I love listening to Christmas music with my little FM radio in my pocket and headphones on. (Yes! I know it's illegal, leave me alone!!)
-Why are all the songs so focused on Jesus as a baby? I know and agree with the fact that it was miraculous and amazing, believe me, I feel it. But if I hear another song from the viewpoint of the cow (or the pig or the chicken or a piece of straw) in the stable, I think I'm gonna puke. Jesus' birth and all that that entails is wonderful, but Jesus grew up. I know that he was no average (or even simply GREAT) person, but the birth was just the beginning folks. He is my savior because of what he did in his life and in his death and especially in his resurrection. He is no little innocent child. It is not an 'aw isn't he cute?' kind of story! He is wild and dangerous and the purpose of my existence. He requires something of me. That is, if I choose to love him. People are starving in their souls and I hold food in my hands. Should I hoard it? Should I just offer a story of a baby? I'm mad at me.
-Her name is Maurine. She's got silver hair and she's four foot six on a tall day. I had a package for her today. She came to the door with a smile and a scurry. "What's this?" she asked in a way that made me think she didn't like people making a fuss over her. "I hope it's a box full of presents." I said. "I'm sure it is, but what do I need presents for? I'm ninety-nine years old. I pretty much have what I need." She said sarcastically. It made me smile. She was spry and lively and carried her smile well....and looked closer to seventy than a hundred. I'm going to stop in and have a visit after the rush is over so I can learn from her smile.
-Maybe three and a half, I'm guessing. This little girl I saw today. As I bent down to set the package on the step, I saw her through the little 4 inch window that paralleled the door. "Mooomy! The U guy is here!!" she screamed as she stomped the way you would if an army of ants had just crawled up your leg. "Who?!" "The present man!" she said as if she was surprised it needed explaining. I love being the present man so I decided to wait for the door to open so I could hand the box personally to the girl. This little darling girl made Shirley Temple look like a clod. Ringlet curls, bright blue saucer eyes that wanted to jump their sockets in excitement. The door opened and she could hardly contain herself in her own skin. As the door closed she yelled "thank you present man!"...I hope she lives to be ninety nine.
-What makes leaves hold on to the tree so long? Are they afraid that when they let go they'll die? I stood beneath a lonely leafed tree today for a while because something strange was happening. The air was completely still. Not even a hint of breeze. Yet it was snowing leaves under this tree. As if the leader leaf finally said he was done and the peer pressure was too much for the rest of them. It was weird.
-If I don't get to see my kids more than this I'm going to have to find a different job. What should I do? What can I do?
-The word 'broken' was on my mind today. I am sometimes confused by it. It's one of those words that is simultaneously present tense, past tense, and future tense. I know God wants me broken. I have been broken. I am broken. I will be broken. I'm tired of broken...
-It may be true that the only inalienable right we possess is to feel what we feel.
-Did I mention the word coherent earlier? I lied.