Sunday, October 16, 2011

Morning Missed

As I sit here this foggy October morning, missing my children, I wonder what it is that makes me miss them. To say that it's my love for them is the simple answer, but what is it that makes me want them to be right here, right now? With the passage of time--and many hours to myself--I have come to wonder about this over and over. To say that I've come to a conclusion assumes that I am done wondering about it, so rather than conclude I shall just say that I have come to an answer that suits me for the moment.

Parenting is a many-staged role. You start out as THE caretaker of every facet of your baby's life and then gradually phase into a teacher, an encourager, a coach, a back-up, and then if you've done it right, a friend. Parenting is the most difficult role in the world because you take that little lump of love from the point of being completely helpless to the point where they should absolutely not need you at all. At least not more than they need other healthy relationships. This is a very difficult thing to do. And as the dad in a divorce situation my time with my kids was segmented, regulated, and condensed, at best. I either had all three of them or none of them. There was very little one on one time with any of them so the phases of parenting snuck up on me and ran over my abilities at times. Now, I am not excusing myself, rather I am stating it as something that is true--whatever the reason.

So, all this to say, I miss my kids because they are my friends. I want to know what each one of them dreamed, feared, laughed at, thought about, ran away from, inched toward, remembered, or forgot. I want to hear that they tried something new or heard an old song that jogged a memory loose. And then I want to tell them about my insides and how much fun it is just to know them. I want to do nothing together and enjoy only friends can.

The fog is clearing.


Anonymous said...

When our daughter married and moved out of state, it was hard. It brought to mind the tears in my folks eyes as we drove out of their driveway when the kids were little--when we moved over 900 miles away and took their grandchildren. When our son was grown and left to join his sister in California, I cried. Transitions are never easy, but the sun will shine. I am blessed to hear that the fog is clearing. And, I am blessed by your writing.
--Mom C.

Lori said...

I think once you are a parent, you are never the same and anytime your children are away from you, things just aren't right. I feel these same things for different reasons. We need to talk, my friend.

Anonymous said...