Relationships are by their very nature difficult, are they not? I'll answer that for you...YES THEY ARE!! I will sometimes stand in front of the mirror and ask that guy who's staring back at me questions for which he has no answers. I frustrate me. Do I give up on me? Sometimes. But I always come back and revisit the hard questions; questions that may or may not ever get answered. So you see, even my relationship with myself is difficult. I'm so far from perfect that it's laughable. No, literally...laughable. I laugh at how empty all my so called efforts are. God doesn't love me because of the good things I do or how few bad things I do. God loves me because He IS Love, He can't not love me. It the kindness of that love that makes me want to love Him back.
I tire of people saying, "Hey, we all make mistakes", as if the times we make God sad (and yes, I do believe God is saddened by our behavior, both overt and covert) are all mistakes. Not so, I say. I not only make mistakes, I do things on purpose that sadden God. Are you kidding me?? Every dang day I waste precious time complaining about my poor, sad self. I think of myself as better than others. I am judgmental toward others. I only forgive people who do things I understand. To put it succinctly, I am proud and stupid and selfish and full of fear. Why else would I need a savior? I'm just like every other schmuck.
This story is not over yet, this is just the beginning of the beginning. While at times I am the king of schmuckdom, I will one day be a Prince in the new kingdom and that will be the beginning of the never-ending.