Wednesday, November 30, 2005

You Pee Ess!!

Today let me enlighten you on my occupation. For those of you that don't know me, I'm going to spell it out...sort of. The company I work for is huge and worldwide so I'm sure they have spies here in blogovania. So here's what I'ma gonna do...I'ma gonna create some code words for future reference here in 'my mind'.

You know how when you were little, people would say "if you drink too much tea, you pee tea" ? What?! You don't remember anyone in your family saying that?? What kind of family are you from? Anyway, let's pretend there's a drink called 'ess'. Yeah, like the nineteenth letter in our beloved alphabet...that ess. Now let's pretend you drank too much of the stuff, what would happen? You pee ess!! ....that's the name of the company I work for, so for the sake of our code-talking future let's call that code word #1.
Got it? Good!

Now on to code word #2. You'll see why it's called that, here in a minute. At #1 there's this color. It's everywhere! It's sickening! It's disgusting! It's the same color as the treasures you find in your yard if you have a dog. And yet 'they' decided to use it in the new slogan. Unbelievable. I'm sure you've heard it..."what can (#2) do for you?" Had they consulted us drivers, it never would have left the drawing board. Hideous.

One of my favorite things that happens all the time is when you walk into a business with a package and the person behind the counter says "Hey! Whatdya got there?" at which time I'll raise the box and turn to to every conceivable angle while eyeballing it and say "Looks like a box to me! Don't worry though, that funny ticking noise JUST quit!" What I feel like saying, though, is "how am I supposed to know? You ordered it you moron!"

And what's the big deal with the shorts? I mean really! Everybody and their dog has to comment on the shorts. "Oh you can sure tell summer's over, the (#1) guy doesn't have his shorts on!" or once there was this OLD guy (he had to be 95!!), he looked like George Burns, only worse. He walked up to me and with what seemed like the last three breaths he'd ever breathe, he says "Hey (#2) man where's the sexy shorts?" And, to my surprise, he still had three breaths left to laugh at his own joke. I just don't get it. Are the shorts that special? Don't answer that.

3 comments:

tkj said...

It must be the hollidays & some Ewe Pea Esse drivers are feeling a bit shall we say, bugged? Probably a stronger word would be more appropriate but we'll keep it at a nice level. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you except to say that it does sustain you livelyhood & pays the bills. Just think, they can't ship your job over to China. But if they could, would they use UPS??

freeman said...

ahh, the "ups" and downs of the everyday work world. If we could only trade places for a couple months! Do we call it the mid-career (or what the hell am I doing here?) crisis? The joy of working when you're in your 40s. You've been at it longer than it required to get a pension in the army... but you get to figure out new ways to manage the mundane for another 15 - 20 before your hoped for reward shows up along with social security. So how does one get through that? Books get written about that, but a personal one-liner takes me to good places when I remember it: "Think and act like a rookie."

Steph said...

Yes, the shorts ARE that special! And so are the socks. Or at least I would know if Olivia hadn't stolen the pair you gave me!