If I had a penny...

...I'd toss it in the wishing well and wish I were your wishing well. So I could softly listen to words inside your dreams and watch your eyes glisten in the silence of the schemes. So that I'd feel your hopefulness and the yearnings of your heart. . . so that I could know how to love you.


If only I had a penny.

NOT just another day!

I just call him Mikey, though I'm sure he prefers Mike. He was 6 years old when I first started delivering packages to his mom's coffee shop/video store. Always a very friendly boy, he never hesitated yelling "hi John!" every time I walked in. We just hit it off. He was a happy little guy and seemed to look up to me as if my uniform meant I was someone official.
I remember when he first got his license, he pulled up in front of the shop, jumped out and left the truck running. (It's a small town, remember) Of course, I couldn't let an opportunity like this slip through my fingers so I jumped in and drove it around the back of the building and hid in the bushes to watch his face as he ran out to find his truck gone! The fact that my truck was parked nearby was a dead giveaway to Mike. He knew immediately it was me. "Joooohn! I know it was you, you can come out now" and of course, I couldn't contain my laughter anyway so he came over and slugged me in the shoulder the way a guy does when he knows he's been had.
Well it wasn't six months later I'm guessing that I was the one being 'had'. I had delivered the usual Tuesday videos and coffee beans and had a few minutes to burn so I decided to have a cup of coffee. I stayed a little longer than I should have, and when I tore out the front door to dive into my truck...you guessed it, it was gone! I wasn't sure who the culprit was at first, since I've been known to mess with more people than just Mikey. But just like me, Mikey wasn't one to contain his laugh well either. It was my turn to take a whack at his shoulder.
One day last summer I was driving down Main street in my little brown cruiser when a motorcycle veers toward me, flashing it's lights and honking it's horn. I couldn't tell who it was since the rider was wearing a helmet so I veered right back and flashed my lights and honked my horn...just because I can! When I looked in my mirror I saw the bike pull a quick U-turn and jumped in right behind me and the rider started waving wildly for me to pull over. Remember now, this is a one horse town and I know full-well that there's no money in the budget for a motorcycle cop, so I kept going. Finally, the biker had had enough. He pulled around me, slowed to a snail's pace and pulled me over. Off jumps this big dude. It was Mikey. He wanted to show me his new bike. He knows I have a bike too and wanted me to be the first one to see his new toy. Even though he's now a big 23 year-old man, with me he's still Mikey.
I saw Mikey for the first time today since he was diagnosed with bone cancer a couple of months ago. He was on crutches. The bone in his leg is seventy percent eaten through by cancer. I grabbed him by the shoulder and hugged him and told him I was praying for him. His mom was standing next to him and when her eyes caught mine, I lost it. I suddenly had a deep jolt of pain run through me...I suddenly realized how rich I truly am.

When I crawled back into my truck with tears in my eyes, my phone made that music it makes when I have a text message. It said "Hi dad! I LOVE YOU-have a great day!" -Jess

What a day.

Not that it matters, but I've been gone on vacation to Southern California and Maui for the past 10 days. I've met some fun and interesting people in these few days. I hung out and laughed hilariously with my family. I swallowed a ball of wasabi. I risked. I got to know my brother just a little bit better. I kissed my mom on Valentine's Day. I delivered overdue gifts. I read a book- cover to cover. I buried my feet in the sand. I acted like I was 8 again. I sighed. I took a bjillion pictures. I asked God "why?" I witnessed beauty in many different ways. And yet, when I walked in the door just now I felt so very alone. I love being with people. I'm struck by the thought of how many times I've had this thought. Alone sucks. What I wouldn't do to share half my sheets and the rest of my life with love... And now I'm tired. At least I think I am because right at this very second I wanna cry. I know that I'm not supposed to-I'm a guy. Is there such a thing as holy discontentment?

Seahawks, Seagulls, Whatever!

If you know me at all, you know that I have a propensity for all-over-the-map, strange, and unusual thoughts at times. The following is a brief (thankfully) synopsis of thoughts I thought today.

• If I were a bird, there's no way I'd ever get hit by a car...a plane maybe, but a car?? No way!
• The MVP of today's Super Bowl in my humble opinion-the referees.
• There's just NOTHING that comes close to the awesome feeling it is to be called 'Daddy'
• Technology is great, but sometimes it's just a reminder of how far 'far' really is.
• You really have to love Starbuck's coffee to sit outside and drink their coffee when it's 35 degrees...or maybe you really are addicted to smoking.
• The FedEx commercial cracked me up!
  
• Eagles are just like seagulls. Except for the spelling...and the size...and the way they look...and the bald head thing, but other than that they're exactly alike!
• Next year 'the 12th man' will probably be the last guy through the turnstiles at Qwest Field.
• It takes a really hot fire and a lot of pounding on the anvil to make a good, useful tool.
• I love the sound of the word bliss!
• "That ball did NOT cross the plane!!"
• Sometimes I need to quit trying long enough just to 'be'.
• The thing that we have in common is that we're good at screwing up.
• Shit, tomorrow morning we work legs and shoulders again.
• I'm lucky to have a brother and a great friend in the same person.
• Will the kids even notice if I 'lose' the cat?
• Friendship is much more enjoyable than counseling.
• Only four more days, then I'm outta here...YES!!
• It's late and I'm beginning to bore me.

It was a Super Sunday wasn't it? Next year I'm betting on the refs!!

Six Questions

I 'borrowed' this from another blog...

1. Why did you get out of bed this morning? I knew that in order to get 'buff' you actually have to work out, not just dream about it.
   
2. What was your first thought? Yeah, but it's only 5 friggin' 12 in the morning!
   
3. What were the first 5 things you did? 'Used the facilities', made my lunch, threw a load of laundry in the washer, fed the cat, went to workout.
   
4. If you could choose to do anything with your day, what would it be? I'd hang out with my kids...just to be with them.
   
5. If you could choose anything to be today, what would you be? I would choose to be me.
   
6. What did you do today for someone else? I prayed for every person I saw that I thought looked sad, or lonely, or afraid. And also for a friend who is still very young who found out he has bone cancer today. I sent text messages to my kids and my friend.
   

A Warm Day

Having grown up in Southern California, I sometimes find myself lamenting long, gray days. Today was no different, at first.

The sky was it's usual January shade of charcoal. The wind was pruning the trees of it's weaker members and I was wishing I were under that California sun and watching the white whispy clouds do their Sunday dance. I called my good friend Steph who lives under that sun in California and talked for awhile and, sure enough, the sun was out and the clouds were white. When I hung up the phone I realized that the real warmth shared had more to do with relationship and laughter and depth and love than the condition of the sky. I smiled.

I decided today was going to be a good day.

My boys and I came home from church, started a fire in the woodstove, got out 'Monopoly' and sat around the kitchen table and laughed, argued, and played like the 3 boys that we are. Every once in awhile one of us would make a mad dash outside, braving the elements, to get another chunk of wood for the fire. We made dinner together. We ate and talked and laughed some more. The fire never went out. While watching 'The Princess Bride' I looked over and noticed my 14 year old hardly able to contain himself in laughter. I realized that the warmth we shared had more to do with relationship and laughter and depth and love than the condition of the fire. I'm still smiling.

The warmth of 'together' is more powerful than the warmth of weather...always.

Thanks Steph!

I wonder

This past week I went snowboarding with my youngest son and a couple of my friends. My friends are skiers and my son and I, boarders. (du-u-de!) When we got to the mountain they went their way and we went ours. Since my son is relatively new at this 'sport', we decided to stay on some of the less challenging runs and take it slow. Every trip back up the slope on the lift, my son, who is twelve, would offer up a different question. "Dad, what would happen if my board fell?, Dad, if you saw somebody bif it hard into that tree down there would you jump off the lift to help him?, Dad, does the lift actually slow down between poles or does it just seem like it because it gets so quiet? Dad, if we're up so high why don't the stars feel any closer?" ...great questions from a mind that never quits wondering. It got me to thinking. Thinking about this thing we call 'wonder'.

All of my life, or at least the part that my mind lets me remember, I've had a sort of wanderlust. A want to go. A want to see the world. To see what other people live like. To hear the wind through different trees. To see waves roll in on a foreign shore. To realize that laughter sounds the same in any language. What I didn't realize until that night with my boy, was that it was fueled by the same thing that fuels his questions. Wonderlust. From silly things like why we call one thing tunafish and yet we don't call another chickenbird, to slightly more profound things like what does it really mean to love? I love to wonder. It never gets old because there's rarely a definitive answer to most 'I wonder' questions. Wonder produces more wonder. Life is short and I may never afford to wander like I want to, but I know for certain that I'll never afford not to wonder. Do you think it's possible? Hmmm, I wonder!

Ya don't say!

Here are a few things I won't be saying anytime soon...

-"Oh how I love it when it rains 27 straight days!"

-"Yum! I'll have another bowl of that pigeon gumbo."

-"Duh officer! Just cuz I can speak English doesn't mean I can read it!"

-"I sure wish I was old and crusty."

-"Hello Postmaster? Yeah, can you put a stop to that B. Gates character? He's sending me checks in the mail completely unsolicited."

-"I pay far too little in taxes! Isn't there something we can do??"

-"Are you sure doc? Grab another glove and check again. You never know about that dang prostate!"

-"Hey kids! Grab your sleeping bags, we're getting in line. 'Rocky 16' is hittin' the theater tomorrow."

-"Not me, I've always been a Seahawks fan!"

-"Yeah, it's a travesty. I don't know how those professional athletes can make both ends meet."

-"What do mean, you don't take green stamps anymore!?"

-"I totally agree with President."

-"Perhaps."

-"Oh sweetie, I think your nose ring gives you character, I think you should get another one."

-"If it weren't for my readers I'd have gone totally insane."


...and since I can't think of a fitting ending let me say one more thing you'll never, ever hear me say again "Toodles!"

Confessions of a delivery man

While most of you know (at least those two or three of you that actually read this blog) I deliver packages for a living, you don't neccesarily know the details and intricacies of the job. I mean, how could you? It's a big, bad world out there in deliveryville, let me tell ya.

Every once in awhile when one of us poor delivery-type souls is going to be out later than the bartenders, we get help from another driver that feels momentarily sympathetic, or maybe we know something about said driver that we shouldn't, (sorta like black mail, or in this case, brown parcel). Well, last night was one of those nights. My friend Matt called me and said "where you at? I'm coming to help you." So, I told him and he found me and hopped on my truck to be my runner.
Now, when you get help from a driver it's a rare occurrence, so you take the opportunity to share your wealth of useful knowledge while you can. "This guy get's Victoria Secret packages every other week, and he lives alone!" or "These people just bought this house, cash on the spot...Californicaters!" or "There's a dog at this next place but he's never bitten me" and then when Matt's almost to the porch I yell "sickem' Satan! sickem boy!!" Fun times.

Anyway, Matt and I got to swapping stories about the funny things like, what we do to keep our jobs interesting, and some of the embarrassing things we've done. Here are a sampling of just mine and Matt's.

-last winter it was about 20 degrees out and it was late at night so I tried to gingerly tiptoe up the steps at the side of this house. When I got there I knelt down to lay the package at the door, just outside the dogdoor, when suddenly and frenetically out jumped a little 'kick dog'! Scared the pee outta me!!! Well, lucky for me, the package I was about to deliver was just a skosh larger than peewee-the-kick-dog's door....Yep! That's right you little son of a bitch (hey, c'mon you know it's true!), looks like your sleepin' outside tonight!!
-just a couple of weeks ago, as Matt would tell it, he was out after dark (duh!) and it was damp and dewy weather. He launched himself up a set of deck stairs that counted maybe five or six feet high, dropped the package, knocked the requisite 7 times and turned and ran. Well, he lost his footing on the first step and snowballed, elbows and legs a flailing, all the way to the ground. By this time a small boy had come to answer the door, heard the ruckus, and ran to see what could make such a clatter. He darted back to the house yelling "Mommy, I think we caught Santa Claus!!!!"
-almost always I make my deliveries out of the passenger side door. It's what we're trained to do and quite frankly, just makes the most sense since there's nothing impeding your progress, like a seat. I'm not sure why, maybe because I was tired, I don't know, but the other night I decided to slither over my seat and out the driver side door and circle around the front of my truck. Not a big deal. I ran the package maybe a hundred yards to the house and the same hundred back. Now, here's an important side note: it's completely and utterly pitch black dark. Yeah. That dark. I'm running back toward the passenger side of my truck like I always do, which means full-speed ahead, can you see where this is headed? I couldn't either. I leaped up toward the inside step of the truck, only to abruptly remember....I hadn't opened the door. I was like a big brown fly splattered on the side of my truck. OUCH!!
-there's a woman on my route that's a QVC junkie. I mean, 2 or 3 packages a DAY! (and that's since her New Year's resolution to 'quit this nasty habit') I really don't get it. She lives in a trailer at the end of the world's worst driveway. Or, it might just be the best driveway. I swear it's been scientifically engineered so that when you're concentrating on missing that 3 foot deep pothole on the left, you snag your mirror on the tree on the right. And if you veer slightly toward the middle you're fighting salmon swimming up the stream running down the center!! No really! I think I once spotted Robert Redford here during the filming of ' a river runs through it'. I digress. About a month ago she received a rare package( rare in the fact that it wasn't from QVC) from Barnes and Noble. As I handed her the package I said, "here's that book you ordered on how to stop your shopping compulsion." She's down to one package a day.
Who says work can't be fun??

If I could, I'd tell you...

...how thoughts get into my head.
...how difficult it is to portray an emotion in words.
...why there's a heaven at all.
...why some things are only funny once.
...that tomorrow's going to be alright.
...that I have no idea what pain is.
...why coffee smells so much better than it tastes.
...what you're thinking.
...I've given my heart away completely.
...there's something green on your front tooth.
...that I've actually heard God speak.
...how to erase the mistakes you've made.
...why I'm still up at this ungodly hour.
...how much I miss those three little j's.
...what I know for sure about love.
...why you never see birds crash.
...there's an easier way than God's way.
...I've never failed you.
...why I was so blessed as to be born in this country.
...how much I love my friends
...why we complicate things so terribly much...


...but, I can't, so maybe you can help me.

So here we go!

As promised, here's the skinny. The ball fell, the calendar changed, and the cows finally came home. I don't think I'm any kind of prophet, but yesterday I mentioned the word 'rednecks', and wouldn't you know it, the hotel where we stayed was full of them. True to life, dyed in the flannel, "I got more teeth than you do" truckloads of them.

One of the reasons we really wanted to go to a hotel was to swim in the pool and sit in the jacuzzi. You know, things we can't do everyday. So we made our merry way down to the pool only to find that the whole Hatfield clan had beat us to the punch. Thing is, the pool was evidently too dang cold, so some of the boys went back up to them there rooms and got their garbage pails and commenced to bailing all that warm water out the jacuzzi into the big pool. Great idea Clem!! Only problem is, when that there jacuzzi starts to empty some sort of new fangled sensor must've kicked to high gear and started pumping new, colder water into the jacuzzi and wouldn't shut off. It wasn't long until both pools were overflowing with freezing cold water. But shucks, the Hatfields didn't even notice. See, they were too busy chuckin' frozen-water-soaked nerf balls at anything that moved. Even us city folk. We eventually just played along, figuring telling them to stop would have been as easy as hitting one of them in the tooth with a nerf ball. Let's just say there weren't a lot of toothy grins.

After that we decided to go back to our room to play games and watch all the festivities on TV for awhile. That didn't last long so we went to the lobby to ask, in typical tourist fashion, "what's there to do in this podunk town?" At which point we were oh so pleasantly pointed to the rack of 3 million pamphlets that had nothing to do with anything remotely possible to do at eight o'clock on New Year's eve. So we went to see 'Chronicles of Narnia'...again. We made it back just in time to watch the Hatfields circling the 3rd floor walkway banging on pots and pans! It was wacko!

Great start to 'just another year'.

Small town Saturday night.

Well here it is New Year's Eve and my kids and I couldn't decide what we wanted to do so I decided we'd go spend the night in a local hotel....and pretend like we're touists, or travellers, or rednecks from another world. We're taking games and swimsuits and that's it! I figure if we forget something, I'll just drive home and get it!!

Should be fun...I'll let you know how it goes.

HAVE THE HAPPIEST NEW YEAR EVER.

~me

What a year

I'm not always the most articulate person, certainly not as articulate as some of you, my friends. I know this. But I do have a lot of thoughts circling around in this head of mine. I've come to realize that this clicky clacky noise of my fingers on this keyboard isn't nearly as therapeudic as speaking one to one with an actual person, but, it will have to do this time.

This time of year tends to be a reflective time for lots of us and I am no different (at least in that regard) than others. This past year has been very challenging to me in many respects and very rewarding too. Here are a few of the 'highlights'.

I spent 15 days with two of my brothers...15 solid days! Did you guys realize that that was the first time that's happened since I was 10 years old...that we'd spent that much time together?? I learned a lot about two men that I have always called my big brothers...and now I know why that's why I always called them that. They love me like big brothers do. And I love them.

My son and I have had a hard year. It makes me cry just to write that. I don't know if there's a way to classify this kind of pain. To say that it's deep is just not inclusive enough. It gives me a whole new understanding of how sweet God's love for me is. Before Jesus bridged the gap, my relationship with my Father was broken. I thought I didn't need Him. He was the last thing I wanted. He kept chasing me in gentle strength until I couldn't stand it anymore. We're tight now...me and He! I love Him for that. He's helping me pursue my son the same way now.

A friend of mine killed himself this summer. Another friend died three weeks after she sold her business 'to live the good life'. They both left spouses behind that I also call friend. I've learned that being a man that cries easily isn't as much of a curse as I used to think it was. I've learned that prayer needn't be elaborate. And that when my heart goes out to someone it somehow gets returned to sender, so I do it more freely.

I've been on both ends of painful silence this year. I have hurt people that I love dearly. I have been hurt by people I love dearly. I hate silence between people. It's true..."the truth shall set you free." I'm finding I can handle anything you say to me, I deserve to be told. I can't handle when you say nothing to me, I don't deserve to be ignored. Okay, so maybe now I'm venting...

I started this here little blog thanks to an encouraging friend. I've made new friends this year and re-hooked up with others. (hey, it's my blog, shut up! I know it's not good grammar! :) I've screwed up millions of times. I've been forgiven EVERY time! I've seem my baby off to college. I've never been quite so proud. in my life!

I know that I'm just little, but I'm going to light my candle and run into the dark as long as I can.
Jesus is my light.....Happy Christmas to you all!!

from me.

I have code...no, not a cold!

So today as I was reading through one of my son's books about the immigration of America, I came across the following story...remember it's fiction written for children so don't get your hopes up.

'....And Joey how did you chip your tooth anyway?" Mary asked. "I don't know...uh...well...I....." "The truth would be nice Joey, just this once." she snipped. Joey's mind whirled nervously for a moment, wanting to find just the right words that wouldn't get him fired. "Lord! Just spit it out son!!" Mary said impatiently, letting her German roots show. "You see, Chris Hascomb and me...Geez I'm sorry Mary, mus I really tell you? You ain't gonna fire us are you? You see ever since our ship berthed in the harbor that day, Chris has been threatening to tell you about the letter I wrote to the 3C ranch tellin' them I was intendin' to work for them 'stead of you, and well...I'd finally had enough of his threats and we had it out Mary. There! I said it." Mary stood silently for a moment, shaking her head, slowly she said "Joey, Joey, you know what you need is not to be fighting but to be verking." Joey could never understand why Mary spoke every English word so well except that one......'

Of course at this point you're probably saying to yourself, "I need to get a life, this guy's a complete nutcase!" or something of similar verbage. But wait!! Lest you think this nothing more than a nonsensical and innocuous story let's dig deeper into it. Let's break the code. Let's call it 'Da Vandy Code' (after a not-yet-famous dutch guy somewhere). There's something hidden here I can just sense it. Can you? Well go get some caffeine and indulge me then!

If you're going to play along you're going to need a piece of paper and a pencil. Preferably a number 2. Because who even owns any other kind? Are you ready? This is fun huh? Okay...the first hidden treasure is found in the following words...word number 10, followed by word number 64, (yeah, it's okay to tap the screen while counting aloud...I made up this game, I should know) and then word number 72. And in case that's not incredible enough here's another gem...the 14th word, the 16th, and 148 followed by number 172. Are you beginning to see a pattern? Me neither. Okay, this one'll floor ya for sure....sharpen your pointing/counting finger...words 68, 81, 90, and 95!!! Don't tell me that's just a coincidence folks! I might be dumb but...so might YOU!

In case any of you are still skeptical, here's the final biggie. I mean, this one will blow you off the map, even if you don't believe in maps! Ready go! Word number 2, number 8, then 15, 31,40, then 48, followed by 65, and then 105, and the ever tricky 110 (yep, it's one word), and finally...160!!!! There's just NO WAY anybody could've made this up!!!

Is there?

Moonshine and Hot Chocolate

It's not officially winter until the 21st of the month but I'd have to say winter (of the unofficial variety) is here. Brrrrrrr! It is SO cold and clear tonight. The moon is absolutely magnificent though. As I was driving on my route earlier I actually delivered the last hour pretty much without ever turning on my headlights. The moon is that bright! Now where I deliver it's very rural, meaning that about a third of the roads I travel are not paved. As in...dirt. And there are no street lights to speak of so it can be very dark. Especially in some of the more heavily wooded areas. But not tonight. I'm sure the locals were wondering what the heck I was doing. Well, at least the ones that don't know me very well. The others were probably just smiling, knowing full well that I was reverting into a little boy...again. I hope they didn't see me hanging out the door with only my hand on the steering wheel...oh well, I really don't care. It was fun!

After work I decided I should get some shopping done even though I have no clue what I'm even looking for. I'm no further ahead now than I was yesterday. It was futile. If I'm not racing the clock or at least under some stress (usually placed on me by my kids) to actually buy something, I get paralyzed in a state of indecisiveness. That's what happened tonight. So I decided instead to swing through Starbuck's and get some hot chocolate and surprise some of my coworkers who had to work late (and in the cold). It was my mechanic and two evening clerks (who have thankless jobs that they always seem to do with a smile) and a night supervisor so we all sat around for a few minutes and enjoyed a hot chocolate. And warm smiles.


Bright light, bright smiles. Winter is going to be alright.

Yeah...What He Said!

Once, not that long ago, a friend of mine sent me as a gift, a booklet full of some of her favorite quotes. It was (and still is) one of my favorite gifts ever because it was completely, and I mean completely hand made. Right down to the paper! It was exquisitely well done. Ever since then I've been compiling a list of quotes that I like. Some are profound, some are funny, some are just different. Here are some of my faves:

"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things that matter."
~Martin Luther King Jr.~

"That best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." ~William Wordsworth~

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
~Henry David Thoreau~

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." ~Anais Nin~

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read."
~Groucho Marx~

"In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
~Martin Luther King Jr.~

"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
~Charles M. Schulz~

"You can not be mad at someone who makes you laugh-it's as simple as that."
~Jay Leno~

And this one just cracks me up so I'll end with this....

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
~Groucho Marx~

Past. Presents.The Future.

Some days my thoughts are all over the map. Today was one of those days. I'm going to rattle off a few of my more coherent thoughts and events here for you...not because they're so interesting, but because that's what this blog is for.

-I love Christmas. I love listening to Christmas music with my little FM radio in my pocket and headphones on. (Yes! I know it's illegal, leave me alone!!)


-Why are all the songs so focused on Jesus as a baby? I know and agree with the fact that it was miraculous and amazing, believe me, I feel it. But if I hear another song from the viewpoint of the cow (or the pig or the chicken or a piece of straw) in the stable, I think I'm gonna puke. Jesus' birth and all that that entails is wonderful, but Jesus grew up. I know that he was no average (or even simply GREAT) person, but the birth was just the beginning folks. He is my savior because of what he did in his life and in his death and especially in his resurrection. He is no little innocent child. It is not an 'aw isn't he cute?' kind of story! He is wild and dangerous and the purpose of my existence. He requires something of me. That is, if I choose to love him. People are starving in their souls and I hold food in my hands. Should I hoard it? Should I just offer a story of a baby? I'm mad at me.



-Her name is Maurine. She's got silver hair and she's four foot six on a tall day. I had a package for her today. She came to the door with a smile and a scurry. "What's this?" she asked in a way that made me think she didn't like people making a fuss over her. "I hope it's a box full of presents." I said. "I'm sure it is, but what do I need presents for? I'm ninety-nine years old. I pretty much have what I need." She said sarcastically. It made me smile. She was spry and lively and carried her smile well....and looked closer to seventy than a hundred. I'm going to stop in and have a visit after the rush is over so I can learn from her smile.


-Maybe three and a half, I'm guessing. This little girl I saw today. As I bent down to set the package on the step, I saw her through the little 4 inch window that paralleled the door. "Mooomy! The U guy is here!!" she screamed as she stomped the way you would if an army of ants had just crawled up your leg. "Who?!" "The present man!" she said as if she was surprised it needed explaining. I love being the present man so I decided to wait for the door to open so I could hand the box personally to the girl. This little darling girl made Shirley Temple look like a clod. Ringlet curls, bright blue saucer eyes that wanted to jump their sockets in excitement. The door opened and she could hardly contain herself in her own skin. As the door closed she yelled "thank you present man!"...I hope she lives to be ninety nine.


-What makes leaves hold on to the tree so long? Are they afraid that when they let go they'll die? I stood beneath a lonely leafed tree today for a while because something strange was happening. The air was completely still. Not even a hint of breeze. Yet it was snowing leaves under this tree. As if the leader leaf finally said he was done and the peer pressure was too much for the rest of them. It was weird.


-If I don't get to see my kids more than this I'm going to have to find a different job. What should I do? What can I do?


-The word 'broken' was on my mind today. I am sometimes confused by it. It's one of those words that is simultaneously present tense, past tense, and future tense. I know God wants me broken. I have been broken. I am broken. I will be broken. I'm tired of broken...


-It may be true that the only inalienable right we possess is to feel what we feel.


-Did I mention the word coherent earlier? I lied.

SHE

She's my inspiration. She is the one who ages me and keeps me young....simultaneously! She calls me "daddy"...I melt. She laughs, I laugh. She cries, I sob. She makes me strong. She makes me weak. She requires my integrity. She is adorable, and I will make sure she knows it. She is funny. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is unique. She is my BABY...and I miss her daily.

Things I Love...

...love is such a strong word. Much stronger than hate. And I LOVE that! Hate doesn't stand a chance as long as love exists. And exist it does. I think it's interesting that there is little scientific debate on the subject of love, yet the myriad of arguments of whether there is a God cannot be counted. If you've ever experienced love (and I know you have) it seems silly to enter into an argument on whether it exists or not. Having been 'in' it, with it, near it, or the object of it, you KNOW it exists. Same holds true of God. After all God IS Love!

If ever you're having a less than stellar day, may I suggest you do what I did today while thinking about this blog...think about things you love, it made my day! So here goes. This list is just the tip of the iceberg.

Things I Love...

I love that I actually know the author of Love.
I love that He wants me even though He knows me so well.
I love sunshine.
I love California driving.
I love deep laugh lines.
I love 6 siblings.
I love being 'daddy'.
I love that love is different everyday.
I love that everyday is different.
I love the way my eyes feel when there are stars in them.
I love the silence of newfallen snow.
I love being loved.
I love poffertjes.
I love music that sends chills down my spine.
I love that love and pain will spend eternity apart.
I love that my friends challenge me.
I love the bliss of endless rolling waves pounding the shore.
I love that 'mundane' is just a word, not a sentence.
I love the sound of my kids peacefully sleeping.
I love wind in the trees.
I love a particularly good apple martini.
I love sunsets.
I love words.
I love hot sand under my feet.
I love that it's okay just to be me.
I love resisting wrong for the right reasons.
I love that God calls me baby.
I love wonder and amazement and awe.
I love seeing people I love smiling.
I love love love love laughing.
I love that this isn't home.
I love dogs.
I love sarcasm.
I love sitting in front of my fire with all the lights out, having a quiet time.
I love that I got the leftover sense of humor in my family...it'll always be better tomorrow.
I love to sing like an idiot when nobody's listening.
I love helping people in need.
I love going fast.
I love knowing another language.
I love knowing that there is so much that I don't really know.
I love having been born with the capacity to love.


Thanks for reading....oh, and by the way, I LOVE it when you comment. :)

You Don't Know Jack!!

Last night was a fun and full night for me. I get my kids every other weekend, and since my daughter is off to college (I know, hard for me to believe too!), it's just me and my two boys. Well, every year there's a travelling childrens theatre group that tours the area and performs plays at various schools. They show up on Monday for auditions then do four nights of rehearsal for two performances on Saturday. Whew! It's a hectic week. This year's play was 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. It's the old traditional, only shorter, and with music added so as to let tons of kids have singing parts. Just so happens my 12 year old gets the part of 'Jack'. He amazes me. He loves this stuff and, of course, being nonpartial as I am, I think he's GREAT!! He played the lead last year in different play and had the lines nailed the day of the play. But when he got up on stage, the lights were so hot that he was about to die of heat stroke, so he skipped the acting and recited his lines like he was reading them out of a book. Not good. So, yesterday I figured we'd practice. I would give him his cue and he would spout off his part, not missing a beat. I could tell his was worried and asked him what was wrong. "Dad", he said, "what if I forget my lines?" And, of course, me being the grand actor that I am, just said "just be Jack." "But dad, I don't know Jack!" he said. I didn't have time to get the tape recorder so he could say it again clearly so that I might use it against him in 3 or 4 years when he knows EVERYTHING. Annnyway, the play was a blast and he was phenomenal, making only a few minor errors that only he noticed.
Between the first performance and the last, there was an hour and a half break so we hopped in the truck and headed in to get something to eat. I looked over at my other son, knowing that he was bored beyond words and asked him what he would like to do. He said "Gas it dad!" Usually it takes him about 10 minutes to realize that I've even spoken and another 10 to come up with some smart alecky comment, but not this time. So I 'gassed it'. "Let's see what this puppy's got!" I said.(Don't worry, it was a couple of degrees above freezing still, and the road had nary a rise in it.) Did you know that some hairbrain engineer at Chevrolet thought it would be beneficial to put a chip in your engine that makes it die at a measley 98 mph!? Unbelievable. He evidently doesn't have boys. We were so disappointed that we took a detour down this 'road' into the woods. By this time it's dark. I'd never been down this road before but, hey, I do have 4-wheel drive. (Is that anything like "No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn?) Our mantra for the next few minutes was 'mud is our friend'. Wherever there was mud...there was us. Fun!
We made it back to the second performance in plenty of time. You should've seen the other parents' looks at our truck as we pulled in though....priceless!!
I felt like saying "You don't know Jack!!"